the confident cowardess; life without sex

This blog was composed for sexual reasons mainly; my sexual imagination, or ludacris  fears of bodily expectations and intimacy triumphed over me and destroyed the person I once was; popular, free, wild, lax, composed, confident.

Though self loathing can be as sheer as a veil; any can be the king of the crown.
I waited well into mature age to lose my virginity despite my apparent sexual undertones, my confident stride, my  slow sensual body language, my aggression towards others with body dysmorphias, the nerve to put women down for their sexuality, to put them down for their frigidness.

The truth is, Im a poet, Im a damn good actress 'specially when I write, but when I speak, I hope to speak the voice of adrogyny.

Abstaining from sex was for fear of exploitation and not for reverence of some virginely 'jewel'; I was a tainted speck. Everything in my life became an insatiable desperation to conceal myself; However,

a world ennormously expansive and miraculous unwound itself to me, expressive of all the colors of bliss, stabs of pain, volatile and extravagent, blossoming in it's virtuousity to stroke the enigma of man as a cerebral savant.
Sex; after I uncovered it became a fleshy, mercilous affair; shaking off the once quiet of contemplation, the celebration of divorce from the earth.

If given to me, I would retain to that once abstinant state again; for eager is the pleasure with which i behold the ripeness given to oneself as a method of emancipation from the flesh.

Now, I don't in any way shape or form endorse religious sexual binding and restraint- I feel sex is as essential to the spirit as water, we are composed of large systems performing grandieuse deeds to transform us into the wonderful eccentric organisms into which we each individually contort.
I merely prospered in unspeakable and countless ways as a personal individual through, though hatred provoked,  ascetic sexual abstinence.


As for sex, I feel any partner not willing to meet you cerebrally will never take you to the moon.

I feel that since I lost my virginity, as aspect of a universal adrogyny, a sexual cowardice familiar to all became a past life to me; I now contend with the biological brawls of the animal planet, savage lust, in short, I put up with all the bullshit our hypocritical protestant "whore hole" maintains for us to be 'sexual beings'-

Things have seemingly narrowed though I also question whether the increase in sexual stimulation truely decreases an individual's supreme powers- those beyond the physical, but the ubiquidously telepathic, cerebral, wholesome ( in a mind-power sense), the worldly, the universal bondage of the masses, sex empowers us to ourselves, but disadvantages us from percieving the universal whole-

Again, I find sex comforting, relieving, medicinal, but as a garnish to life, not a crutch.

We all need to graduate from our crutches. What is yours